Posts tagged grammar
Two spaces after a period: Why you should never, ever do it. - By Farhad Manjoo - Slate Magazine
THANK YOU (this is one of my greatest pet peeves when editing).
“ In the United States, English has become increasingly irrelevant, particularly among young adults. Once the most popular major at the nation’s leading colleges and universities, it now often trails more pragmatic disciplines, such as economics, politics, government, and, ironically, “communications,” which increasingly involves learning to write mobile-device-friendly ads for products like Cheez Doodles.”
Gene Weingarten - Goodbye, cruel words: English. It’s dead to me.
Just because it’s satire, doesn’t mean it’s not true.
Dear Coke Talk: On grammar.
Great writers can ignore grammar because they know it in the first place, and a condescending opinion on top of a shitty attitude isn’t evidence that you know anything at all.
This isn’t about rules. Fuck the rules. This is about fundamental beauty inherent in the system. If you want to deconstruct the language in furtherance of personal expression, by all means, I’ll give you a poetic license to kill, but don’t piss on me and tell me it’s raining.
I can tell the difference between a deliberate and meaningful manipulation of words and the ramblings of some half-retarded teenager who wouldn’t know where to stick an apostrophe unless I lubed it up and put it in myself.
Mastery of language is the primary indication of intelligence, education, and grace, and the inability to effectively communicate is at the core of pretty much all the mental anguish we inflict on ourselves.
Just being intelligible isn’t enough. Style matters. Make all the excuses you want, but whether it’s on paper or on the street, if you come at me all sloppy, I’m not gonna respect you.
This is exactly why I give a shit about grammar, only a thousand times more eloquent than anything I’ve written on the matter. Thank you, Dear Coke Talk, for standing in defense of good writing.
LEARN YOUR DAMN HOMOPHONES!
It’s about time that everyone learned their damn homophones. If you slept your way through the fourth grade or just skipped all of the grammar lectures because you were too busy sucking off that dude in the locker room, then maybe this table will help clear up some of the fucking confusion.
Thank you… just, thank you!
U SPEL LIEK YOUR RTARDED
The Internet was supposed to be the great equalizer, melting away region, class and all manner of social differences with the simple magic of the written word. How could anyone tell the difference as long as you were literate, right? Wrong. Why? Because you spell like you’re retarded.
Interesting profile you’ve come up with here. You graduated from a university, really? Because they teach the difference between “your” and “you’re” in — oh I don’t know —fourth grade? And you’re still clearly struggling, just as you incomprehensibly believe the words “are” and “our” are interchangeable. Have you ever read a book? Scratch that - have you ever read text written in the English language? Those words have nothing to do with each other, and provided you’re not in the back woods of Kentucky, neither are they pronounced the same way.
I can tell you’ve had a troubled relationship with the shift key. Why use it for proper names or at the beginnings of sentences when you can save it for Things You Arbitrarily Consider Important. Oh pardon me, I meant to say “Thing’s” since you’ve taught me that apostrophes are a critical element in pluralizing nouns. Its’ obvious.
Since I’ve already put in this much time, is it worth overlooking such grave offences to our innocent language so I might have sex with you, just once? Because there’s no way in Hell I could keep putting up with it after that. What you call my “pickiness,” and I instead refer to as “literacy” wouldn’t allow it. Is your retardation communicable; will I lie there in bed afterward, robbed of the knowledge that “effect” and “affect” are different words, or that the occasional use of commas helps make writing comprehensible to others?
It’s not worth the risk. So I hope there are no hard feelings, and let me say, in words you may find familiar: thenkz 4 al teh fun chatts your ah relly Spatial indevidule an gud luek in ur serch1!
-Written by wireless G.
Reblogged, because the only thing better than good grammar is hilarity and good grammar.
(via trustandlove)
Dear Coke Talk: On being a groupie.
So I know it sounds bad to say this, but my friend is a big groupie of this band. Like goes to all their shows in a reasonable distance, has plenty of their; tees, posters,etc., she even hooks up with one of them, I would call her obsesed! She convinced me to go with her to see them.
With a weird turn of events, I ended up hooking up with one of them. I dont obsess and I dont even take plesure listening to there music. The guy and I just ended up clicking and I just wanted to have some fun. But does this make me a groupie too?
Don’t worry, you’re not a groupie. You’re a stupid whore.I’m totally kidding. You’re not a whore.
Seriously though, learn the difference between their and there. While you’re at it, pay attention to your punctuation, use your fucking spell check, and try writing sentences with both a subject and a predicate.
I know, you’re a teenage girl. You’ve got better things to do than write above a third grade level, but trust me on this, your communication skills are a vital component to your interpersonal relationships.
Learn to string a few words together. Show some respect for your language. You never know, babe. Maybe one day instead of blowing the bass player, you could be the lead singer.
(Oh, and quit being so worried about being labeled a groupie. Instead, develop excellent taste in music, be passionate about artists who deserve your attention, and fuck who you want to fuck.)
The grammarphile in me absolutely loves this entry.
